ClashedBeaks

My folks don't consider my emotions. For usual lower-middle class Bihari parents, it's their duty to look after their children, but this ordeal should be a path of least resistance. They adore you as long as you're obedient. Since they're already finding it difficult to survive in their everyday life, raising a child should at least be easy. They expect you to be immensely grateful and become a milking cow in earnest of time so that their social standing becomes stronger. The whole outlook towards life is outward for them, they are driven by societal standards and not by emotional love for themselves or for anyone else. In this situation, if the child becomes romantic by nature, and not someone who just falls in the line drawn by others, that child becomes a sore for them. This is the reason why the success rate is so thin for these families. For them to excel and advance, the only way is to be obedient. A blacksheep is not entertained. He is looked upon as a burden, a

Gratitude I realized the importance of gratitude towards everyone and everything. How grateful should I be. It was after seeing 'White Christmas' on Black Mirror. Existence can become such a burden if everyone is not doing their job kindly. We've a benevolent system or God in place who had made life for me much easier and cosier. At least I get to see the randomness of the world but I have the power of choice in my hand. Some people aren't privileged enough to have a choice. All they can do is put up with the mundane existence without having a choice. Being powerless in front of life is the sadest thing. Many don't have this luxury. And I've been chosen or granted this luxury of making choices. So many people are in my life and everyone I have a encounter with on a daily basis, 've far or less not bothered with me, and that in itself is a relief. The higher power has thrown many gifts my way for which I couldn't be any less grateful. Of course I could

May be the good fortune is none other than the culmination of a series of good events (wins). And so may be your good fortune is impeded by your tendencies to indulge in pleasure (or in Buddhist perspective to fall into the traps of greed, anger and foolishness). Most virtuous success stories involve sacrifices which their narrator had made, they are people who are in sync with the universe. So why not you? You've discovered yourself that when you engage in activities that breaks the miracle in happening, you get displaced from the path of natural flow and recede to square one and then you're left to struggle with negative emotions for few days. To get back on track, you become regular at gym, challenge to attend Buddhist meetings, listen to spiritual and philosophical podcasts, like those of Sadhguru's, Jordan Peterson's and Academy Of Ideas'. With some struggle you get back on track and stay on it until the urges return. As soon as the urges get hold of you, what

Sadness is not being able to open up even when your insides is full to its brim. Happiness must feel weightless. Tears come when you know you can stop them from flowing but you still let them roll out because if they remain inside, your mind turns acid and your outside becomes sour. Times when sadness is around you, you may have many around you but for you there is no one. Gazing into the empty space with hope that it will break into some warm light and will soak you into the blissfulness. But sadness is like a setting sun, all you've is the drowning feeling. No one to pull you out. It becomes a horror show when sadness give way to disgust. To be disgusted by your own state and disgusted by everything that feels nothing for you. You hate yourself more because of the hate that is harbouring guilt. You are restless because sadness, disgust, hate and guilt is all you're filled with. Hope seems like a fucked up agenda because you know the only way out is to keep dragging on this pa